News & Features



Plastic Surgery Carols for Christmas


Because so many television programs are dedicated to cosmetic and plastic surgery, because rejuvenation surgery is often given away as prizes in radio station contests and because so many people - including plastic surgeons themselves -- are actually going under the knife for surgical rejuvenation, we at CosmeticSurgery.com are suggesting, with only a tiny bit of our virtual tongues tucked into our cheeks, that we surrender the remainder of our culture to plastic and cosmetic surgery.

Accordingly, and with most sincere apologies to actual, old English songwriters, we have redrafted two, time-honored Christmas carols and herewith submit for your continued holiday reading pleasure, the new lyrics, adjusted for life in 2005.

All I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS SOME PLASTIC SURGERY



I want some some plastic surgery for Christmas
Only major silicone will do
So don't go and preach
That inner-beauty speech
I want some golden bozos that will stun you at the beach
It's augmentation surgery for Christmas
Some nip-and-tuckin' liposuction too
You're not so refined
To claim that love is blind
You'll keep your eyes wide open when I'm J.Lo from behind
I can see you now on Christmas morning
Gasping hard for air
You'll be thankin' Santa Claus
Once you've taken off the gauze
To find a South Beach Barbie standing there
I've no more desires
For pads and lifts and wires
My body is a temple so I need some taller spires
I'm not requesting tons
Of alterati-ons
Just give me a body that's like Pamela Anderson's
I want some some plastic surgery for Christmas
Some 37-Double-D's and then
A rhytidectomy
And a rhinoplasty
You'll slide up next to me
Sayin' man those boys're nasty
And man the nasty boys'll love me too!


© Spaff.com 2003+
From the CD, "Elves Gone Wild" .

A Facelift in a Pear Tree



On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me
A facelift in a pear tree.

A Facelift in a Pear Tree On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Two cheek implants and
A facelift in a pear tree.

On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Three eyebrows lifts
Two cheek implants and
A facelift in a pear tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Four nose jobs
Three eyebrow lifts
Two cheek implants and
A facelift in a pear tree.

A Facelift in a Pear Tree On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Five golden studs
Four nose jobs
Three eyebrow lifts
Two cheek implants and
A facelift in a pear tree.

A Facelift in a Pear Tree On the sixth day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Six Botox shots
Five gold studs
Four nose jobs
Three eyebrow lifts
Two cheek implants and
A facelift in a pear tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Seven buttock lifts
Six Botox shots
Five lip studs
Four nose jobs
Three eyebrow lifts
Two cheek implants and
A facelift in a pear tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Eight breast implants
Seven buttock lifts
Six Botox shots
Five lip studs
Four nose jobs
Three eyebrow lifts
Two cheek implants and
A facelift in a pear tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Nine peels a-peeling
Eight breast implants
Seven buttock lifts
Six Botox shots
Five lip studs
Four nose jobs
Three eyebrow lifts
Two cheek implants and
A facelift in a pear tree

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Ten lips a-plumping
Nine peels a-peeling
Eight breast implants
Seven buttock lifts
Six Botox shots
Five lip studs
Four nose jobs
Three eyebrow lifts
Two cheek implants and
A facelift in a pear tree

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Eleven foreheads a-lifting
Ten lips a-plumping
Nine peels a-peeling
Eight breast implants
Seven buttock lifts
Six Botox shots
Five lip studs
Four nose jobs
Three eyebrow lifts
Two cheek implants and
A facelift in a pear tree

A Facelift in a Pear Tree On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me
twelve lipos a-sucking
Eleven foreheads a-lifting
Ten lips a-plumping
Nine peels a-peeling
Eight breast implants
Seven buttock lifts
Six Botox shots
Five lip studs
Four nose jobs
Three eyebrow lifts
Two cheek implants and
A facelift in a pear tree





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